Dammit...

another installment of "Being a Parent is HARD."

My sweet chubbamuffin has his 2 month well visit tomorrow, and I am a ball of nerves.
I know he will be perfect in every way, and I am really looking forward to having him weighed and measured, and popped on the top of that cute little "percentile" chart. Or off the top of it, more likely.

But I am very upset over the vaccinations, or lack thereof, and simply making that decision, committing to the road less taken, and then arguing my case to a doctor that happens to LOVE vaccinations.

Did you know that the stuff in vaccines is dangerous? Well it is.
Of course... baby shampoo is dangerous (seriously, look it up. Chemicals and whatnot). Riding in a car is dangerous. Living in tornado alley is dangerous.
Why do I pick childhood vaccines to make a stand against? After I have already fully vaccinate one child, almost fully vax'd a second, and watched them grow to be completely healthy in every way? (and continue to use baby shampoo on all 3 of them... GASP)
Well. Because. Honestly?
I heard some rumors and they scared me. So I looked some stuff up. And then I was even more scared. I talked to Cotton, and he agreed with me... SCARY.
And no- there isn't a lot of hard core, non-debatable medical evidence to prove that vaccines cause autism, or any other number of developmental delays, or any other medical issues ranging from allergic reactions to SIDS. But damn. It feels like a big risk to take!

And although I am no hippie, those of you that have known me a while may know that I have an inner-hippie. I keep her inside, and she mostly shows herself in things regarding my sweet sweet babies. She often likes to do things the way mother nature intended, the way the critters do...

So. For Sam's 2 month well visit- here is the proposed menu (most to be pumped directly into his little thigh):
Pediarix #1 (a cocktail of DtaP, Hep B, and Polio)
Hib #1
Prevnar #1 (pnuemonia)
Rotateq (rotavirus)(a new vaccine, safety level unknown)

So, basically 6 different things. Going into my 15lb-ish child. I do not like that. I will not do that.
But I am afraid that it will be a fight, and I may have to find a new pediatrician. Again. :-(

Over the course of the next 16mos, there are exactly 19 more vaccinations scheduled for my baby. 25 in his first year and a half of life. Isn't that NUTS? This is a brand new immune system we are dealing with...

Especially considering that he will be breastfed at least that long. We don't travel. He doesn't go to daycare. For the first six months I can guarantee that he won't even touch a shopping cart or a mall playground. Where exactly is he going to contract POLIO?

And as always- if you've made it this far without getting totally offended- do not take my rantings personally.
I don't care if you vaccinate, or even double vaccinate your kid. It's a VERY controversial topic, and these are just my thoughts on the matter. My fears. [And this is MY blog, so you read what spews from my brain. And you can't get mad at me here- it's my safe place, sp phhtptptptphhtpt (that's the sound of me blowing a razzberry at you)]

And yes, I also fear the diseases, but not as much. I've become jaded and mistrusting of some parts of medical science- and then I just love the rest of it, really I do. This is the girl who just had a baby in her bedroom not too long ago, remember... but also the girl who gets migraines and other various illnesses, and ADORES those prescriptions
This is also the girl who, a few years ago, though non-vaxing parents were idiots and mooching off the herd immunity. Well... good stuff, that herd immunity. I think I'll have some.
To each her own. Every mother out there has her own "things," her own fears- both rational and not-so-rational. Mine all fall into one of those categories, including this one.

Call me neurotic. Go ahead. I'll agree with you.
There is a very high likelihood that I am dead wrong. That I am wasting precious energy, and making the dr's life difficult, for absolutely nothing. But there is a very large knot in my tummy that says "but what if you're RIGHT?" And the knot will not be ignored. I never, ever ignore my knots.

You know what the biggest part of my brain is telling me to do?
Call and cancel the well visit altogether. My wee baby is perfect. He is extremely healthy. His development is on track (at minimum). I know that his food agrees with him, and that he is growing like a champ. I've done this mom thing a few times. I GOT DIS! And besides, last time I was there, the doc (and bless her heart I LOVE her, she takes great care of us) suggested a couple of times that I get Mr Sam on a feeding schedule so that I can sleep. And he was a ripe old 4 days old at that point. :giggle giggle snicker: Cotton and I burst into a fit of laughter as soon as we got out the door! What is this thing you speak of... a schedule? For our nursing newborn? Tell that to HIM why don't you? Heeheeheeheehee...!
*She really is a wonderful doctor. Sweet, supportive, mindful of our needs. I can't seek total perfection, and if our only disagreement is something i can just walk out and giggle about- we're good!*

Or I can go, and make up a lie about how I'm looking for a new pediatrician that will help me work out a vaccine schedule that I can live with. Then come home and start looking for one. lol. Guess that would make it NOT a lie.
And I DO need to talk to her about a cervical cap for me. Yea, I said it. Cervical Cap. Because I don't want another baby, not now, not EVER. But I also can't take hormonal birth control, because it could affect my milk supply.
And that, my friends, was your daily dose of TMI. Lalalalalalala...