from "It's a Mom Thing: Real World Insights"1. I still try to buy cute underwear, but not too cute, because what
do you think got me into this mess?
2. There's no place like home: Unless you can get a babysitter. Then,
go! Get Out! Hurry!
3. The longest distance between two points is a 2-year-old who wants
to walk all by himself.
4. Moms need friends, because you gotta have someone to cuss in front of.
5. Those last 5 post-baby pounds are impossible to lose! Especially
when you haven't lost the first 20!
6. Weird how having a baby makes you remember to take that birth
control pill. And sometimes two, just in case
7. Yeah, I'd say being a mom has changed my style. Obliterated is a
change, right?
8. So, if I become a stay-at-home mom, does that mean the kids have to
stay home, too? Just checking.
9. Wow...I must've kidproofed the cleaning supply cabinet a little too
well. Apparently, even my husband can't get into it!
10. Children are a gift. A gift where you're like, "Wow, who knew a
gift could make you so tired and lumpy?"
11. Changing diapers...folding clothes...making dinner...It' s so cute
when husbands reach a new developmental milestone!
12. My friend...my rock...my partner...my portable DVD player! (Amen
to that one!)
13. You can fool some of the people all of the time, but it's ****
near impossible to look cool carrying a diaper bag.
14. Parenting magazines are perfect for those times when you're not
feeling inadequate enough on your own.
15. Shouldn't running errands count as exercise? Hello...it's called
"running!"
16. I try not to offend other moms, because you never know who's
carrying around an arsenal of scrapbooking scissors!
17. Kids grow up too fast! Unless they're throwing a fit in public.
Then --- geez...grow up already! Get a move on!
18. When it's that time of the month and there is only one cookie left
in the house, that is not the time to teach the kids how to share.
19. Like any mom, I have dreams for my kids. Picking up their own
socks...sleeping past 7 AM on the weekend...(my dreams are small.)
20. I can't believe how BIG my kids are! Especially the one I married!
21. RELAX! Nowhere on your gravestone is it gonna say, "She gave her
kids too much soda."
22. I hate it when my in-laws butt in. Unless it includes babysitting.
23. Telling another adult you have to "go potty" doesn't make you
pathetic. Okay, but just a little.
24. Since becoming a mom, I swear I have the attention span of a...did
I forget to eat lunch today?
25. I have unconditional love for my kids. Especially after they've
bathed.
26. Found some "Mom's Day Out" programs. No luck on the "Mom's Month
Out," though.
27. I'm not positive, but I think I can hear a choir of angels
whenever I open the fridge and discover leftovers.
28. When you're in public and you're singing to yourself about a
spider or a teapot or finding a peanut, then yes...you are such a MOM!
29. Show me a mom without stretch marks and I'll show you ---
actually, I'll just sob. Maybe don't show me that mom, 'kay?
30. Like someone once famous said, "Life is what happens when you're
busy making lunches." Or something.
31. Okay fellas. It's not called baby sitting when you watch the kids.
It's called "being a dad." Got it?
32. As a mom, I feel like I'm always second guessing myself. Or am I?
Dang it!
33. There are so many fairy tales I love..."The Mom Who Found Time to
Paint Her Nails." That's a good one.
34. Sure, "firm abs" is on my list of goals. It's right up there with
"bionic legs" and "extra head."
35. If I get fussy, just get a bottle ready for me. The corkscrew is
in the drawer next to the stove.
36. Can someone please send me to time-out? Hour...half- hour...I' ll
sit quietly --- I promise!
37. Nothing hurts like watching your baby grow up. Wait! Decaf. That
hurts, too.
38. They call it a baby "shower" because it may be the last shower you
ever get to enjoy again.
39. "Who's the Tiredest Mom" is not a competition! But if it is...I'm
winning!
40. The longest road you'll ever travel isn't a road at all. It's
called the "cereal aisle."
41. Just because it's a minivan doesn't mean it won't play Zeppelin.
42. Now, "dry cleaning" means I'm able to scrape the stain off with my
fingernail.
43. Family comes first...even during Oprah. Just barely.
44. As if being a mom isn't hard enough already, pretty soon you have
to start spelling. E-V-E-R-Y-T- H-I...oh, I forget!
45. Even the best kids' movie ever will still make you want to put
your head through the TV if you have...to... sit...through.
..it...ONE. ..MORE... TIME!
46. I could really use some home decorating tips. Like what goes with
dog hair and plastic dinosaurs?
47. "What to expect?" (There is a picture of a stork with a baby in
the book) Here, let me sum it up for you real quick ----- 1. Lots of
worry 2. Not lots of sleep